I just miss you! I have thought for 365 that if I can make it to a year that somehow magically everything would be okay. I have told daddy, "just let me make it until (insert today's date) and then I will be okay." I'm not! It isn't easier! It still sucks! I still need you here and you are not coming back.
So much has happened! My friend lost her son, another lost her sister, many have lost loved ones, one sweet friend lost her baby, but great things have happened and you should be here for them.
Finley was born. She is the most beautiful baby. She smiles and laughs and everyone that sees her pictures talks about how beautiful she is and I know you would be so in love with her. I guess we would fight over who got to hold her the most. I give her love from you.
Jacob and Ethan have become true lowcountry boys. They fell in love with Charleston as much as I did. They love Charleston and school. Maybe too much. You would have cried watching Jacob go through The Gauntlet at The Citadel. It was something that no words can describe.
Ethan is doing amazing and is huge! You would love his arms. They are so big and strong.
Abbey made All-State for basketball! Ugh! You loved basketball. You should be here to celebrate this with her.
Your Daisy is okay. She still barks like crazy and runs like a wild woman. I still feel like she is looking for you .
And daddy is doing well. He can cook! All of those years and he can cook. Good cooking, too. He made homemade cornbread. It was as good as yours. We all miss your mac and cheese, especially Jacob.
I look for you everywhere. I find a penny and think it's you. Cardinals show up randomly and I think it's you. The tears still come so often. My heart feels like it might just stop at times from the pain. I should get a Grammy for the performance I put on each day, acting as if I am okay. I am not okay and never will be. They say time will heal and it hasn't! It has just marched on and left me more bewildered and hurt than ever. There's just so much that I need to ask you and tell you.
I know you hate this word and never let me say it but...this sucks! There's no other way (well, without using four letter words) to describe it.
I miss your face. I love you.
weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 526,600 minutes, too many tears to count