She makes my heart smile again!  

You should be here....

Oh how you would love her....

Finley is here!  

She is beautiful.  She is perfect.  She has our hearts.  I cannot help but think about how much you would love her.  Remember how you and I fought over Matthew?  It would be worse.  Her ears are so tiny.  She has little rosebud lips.  

She is a small glimpse of heaven.  

I will tell her about you.  

I will make sure she knows just how much you love her.  

What's the special occasion?

Today was Father's Day.  I went to church.  It is only the second time I have been to big church in the traditional service since my mama got sick and....well you know.  The first time was when the boys spoke to the church for graduation.  I had my daddy meet us in the balcony, which is where we started sitting a few years ago when we got there right on time so we didn't have to crawl over people to sit with my mama and daddy.

Someone asked me what the special occasion was and when I looked at her confused she said, "Oh y'all only come when there is a special occasion."  Hmmmmmmmm.......I guess she missed seeing me the past 16 years but, that is beside the point.  So, friend, to answer your question, yes, today WAS a special occasion. You see, it was father's day.  It was my daddy's first Father's Day without my mama.  It was my first Father's Day without my mama.  I screwed it all up.  I didn't cook what I should have or what I wanted.  I didn't get all of the gifts wrapped instead of stuffed in gift bags.  Shoot!  I didn't even send in a picture of my daddy and/or Gordon for the Father's Day slideshow.  My mama was the one that always reminded me to do these things and well, you know, she isn't here to remind me.  My mind seems to be other places these days.  I did remember to buy the cards and actually signed them.

Today was a special occasion because I actually went to big church.  It was hard.  I do not like it at all.  I miss my mama.  When I go to church, it is where I miss my mama the second most.  I miss her the most at her house but the church runs a close second.  I always look over the railing of the balcony to try and get her attention to wave at her.  I still look.  She isn't there to look back and wave.  While I am in church I see the precious people that came and held us up while my mama was sick.  I see the pastor and his wife that jumped in the car and drove all the way to Charleston late in the afternoon just to love on us.  I see him preaching at my mama's home going service.  I see her friends that came all the way to Charleston to love on us.  I see the senior minister that came and also preached at her home going.  I hear the precious friend that sang for my mom's service.  She chose the songs because I was just too upset to figure it out.  I see my mama everywhere.  When we are singing, I can hear her singing.  She had a beautiful voice.  I hear her playing the piano and I see her hands.  Her sweet hands.  Today, I wish I had x-ray vision to see under the carpet where she wrote scripture on the floor for all of us when the sanctuary was being remodeled.  It was a special occasion.

I am not like Job.  I wish I had been and I wish I could be.  I was mad!  I was sad!  I was helpless. I knew in my heart that my sweet savior would carry me through (as he is doing) but my head has many other issues. Someone told me that it was okay to be mad because our God is big enough to handle my mad.

The fact that I got up and got dressed to come to big church was a special occasion.

The fact that I made it up those steps and looked over the balcony to my mama's seat was a special occasion.

The fact that I sang almost an entire song without bursting into tears was a special occasion.

The fact that I didn't run from the service screaming was a special occasion.

I guess I was wrong when I told you NO because today was a special occasion.

I got up!

Through the Fire

The best way to describe how I feel is what I think being set on fire would feel like. My nerves are raw. My skin is raw. My heart is raw. My emotions are raw. This was not supposed to happen. I keep wondering when I will come out of the fire. 

I went back to work and have held it together for the most part. I have gotten good at pretending. I pretend everything is okay. I pretend that my mama is still here. I pretend...  A student was talking about something this week and I said, "Oh my mama and daddy have one of those."  Yep!  Pretending is good. Not many people know this but, when my parents went on vacation, I would cry when I talked to her on the phone. I wanted her near. It wasn't as bad when they were just at the beach but it was horrible if they were far away. 

I want her to come back. I keep asking God and her to come back. I don't want her to suffer or be sick. I just want her here with me. I have gotten good at holding it in all day and then crying myself to sleep at night. I pray and beg God to send her back knowing that she cannot come back. 

I feel as if I am going to shatter into dust. As if I was burned to a crisp. This song keeps coming to me. I remember when a friend at church sang it during a trying time in her life. 

He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
and the hill would not be hard to climb.
He never offered victories without fighting but
He said help would always come in time.
Just remember when you're standing in the valley of decision
and the adversary says give in, Just hold on.
Our Lord will show up (YES)
and He will take you through the fire again

Pray for us!  

Love,

Jenn

Mama....

I thank my God every time I remember you.

~Philippians 1:3

It's the little things...

We made it through the most horrible day and survived.  I have a feeling that the most horrible days haven't even happened yet.  I cannot stop thinking or quiet my mind.  I cannot wrap my head around the thought of never hearing her voice again.  There are so many things that I need to know.  I panicked yesterday at the thought of not having her recipe for dressing.  The thought of never eating her cooking again literally makes me sick.

If I lay in my bed facing the window of my bedroom, I am looking towards where my mama is buried.  She is facing me.  I lay there and in my mind beg her to come back.  I know she never will but..... At times I feel so selfish because I know of other people that lost their mama at very young ages.  I am grateful that I had her 44 years.  I am selfish also and just want her here with me.  It was not supposed to turn out this way.

We are broken.  I am mad.  Someone told me that it was okay to be mad because our God is big enough to handle it.  I know He is and I continue to cry out to him.  I beg him for peace and understanding.  I thank him for having her and for the lessons that she taught me.  I thank him for not letting her suffer any longer than she did.  I told daddy last night that we didn't realize just how sick she was because she was not a complainer.  She didn't tell us much because she didn't want us to worry.  I was looking back through our texts and when some evil people came after my family this year, she texted me and said, "God has this, just turn it over to Him!"  She was so wise!  I know this in my head yet, my heart physically aches.  It is broken and nothing will ever heal it.  

To simply say thank you doesn't seem like enough for all that everyone has done for us.  THANK YOU!  We are humbled at the generosity and gifts that we have received.  Those gifts include phone calls, texts, emails, prayers, visits, errands, etc....  Please know that we could never possibly thank you enough and we are truly grateful.

The family and friends that stopped what they were doing and came to love on us.  I am so thankful for "my persons" that have held me up and been there.  At the graveyard, they surrounded me while my mom was buried.  They may not have physically held me up but their love surrounded me and I will never forget the feeling.  It was almost tangible. A force that nothing could penetrate. To "my persons," in the worst days of my life, you were there.  You were by my side lifting me up at my weakest.

 It is just love...God's love.  My friends were God that day.  The family that came and visited were God's love.  People that I was friends with in elementary school, junior high school, high school, college and adult life came and they were God's love.  They drove from Flat Rock!  One had just buried her sweet mommy a few weeks before and came to show God's love.  My students showed up to love on us.  Wow!  Again, I am humbled.

Please keep the prayers coming.  I know we will have dark days ahead.  I am so grateful that I believe in a God that sent his son to earth so that I could spend eternity with my mama.  I imagine what is going on in heaven often.  Mama lost her daddy when she was 16.  Can you imagine the reunion?  Her mama, her aunts and uncles and cousins that went before her.  I am 100% positive that my Nannie Broome squealed with delight and kissed mama's face.

I thank my God every time I remember you.

~Philippians 1:3

Love,
Jenn

The most horrible day of my life!

It is with the saddest and heaviest of hearts that I have to tell you that my precious mama went to be with her Lord and Savior tonight.  I was there holding her hand. What a gift!  There are no words....

Our hearts are absolutely broken and yet because God sent his son to die on that cross and because of that particular FRIDAY, I get to see her sweet face again.

She entered the gates of heaven at 11:31 tonight.  She has seen the most beautiful sights.  Things that we cannot even fathom.  Things that we cannot even begin to imagine.  She lost her daddy when she was 16.  She has seen his face again.  She lost her mama a few years ago and she has seen her again.  Her beloved mother-in-law, my Nannie Broome, I am sure was standing there waiting for her.  And, she has seen Jesus. She has touched his sweet hands.

I am not going to lie.  I would have her come back.  So many have told me that she would not come back but I just think she would want to be with me and see my children grow up.  She loved her grandbabies.  She loved me and Jason.  She loved my daddy.  She loved her sister.  She loved her brother.  She loved her neighbors.  She loved her co-workers.  She loved her friends.  She loved her best friend Patsy.  And, she loved Daisy.  That crazy lab, DAISY!  She loved reading Dorothea Benton Frank novels.  Actually, she loved anything that I read and would eagerly wait until I was finished to read our books.  She taught me to love reading.  She taught me to write.  She was an amazing writer.  She taught me so much, yet I am not ready for her to be gone because I still have so much to learn.  I never learned how to make her homemade banana pudding.  I am not talking about the stuff you whip together with instant pudding.  She cooked hers.  I never learned how to make her dressing.  This past Thanksgiving I asked her if she had any left and if she did would she save me a piece.  Of course, she didn't and when I returned home from Edisto, I had an entire pan to myself.  She made me some homemade bbq a few weeks ago.  I called to tell her that it was better than ANY bbq in a store/restaurant and she told me how to make it but I didn't write it down.

I just want to go to Belk's with her tomorrow.  Saturday was our shopping day.  More times than not, we would come home empty handed and I would say, "Well, that wasn't worth the trip up there was it?"
 and she would reply, "No it wasn't!"  We both knew that we weren't there to spend money.  We were just hanging out because that is what we did.  There have not been too many Saturday's in my lifetime that she and I weren't out "scooter pootin'" around.

She was a wonderful mama.  She always put everyone....and I do mean everyone before herself.

The next few days, weeks, months and what I imagine years, are going to be miserable and lonely.  The ONE person that was always there when I needed just one person to be on my side, will not be on the other end of the phone.  I cannot imagine ever not being sad again.  People keep telling me that I will be happy again one day.  I cannot imagine it at the moment.  I cannot imagine!  I just cannot imagine because she was such a big part of our lives.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers.  My sweet daddy lost his sweetheart tonight. Jason and I lost our mama, my children, nephew and niece lost their Mamie, her siblings lost their sister and I lost my best friend.

Little did we know.

Love, 

Jenn

  

Happy 50th Anniversary

We had visitors from 7:45am until 9:45pm so, we were loved on all day. It was such a blessing. Mama is doing okay. She mumbled I love you when I told her yesterday. She was also blinking her eyes which is what someone in the hospital told her to do. I am still praying for a miracle. I pray she will be healed this side of heaven. Her face is probably raw because daddy and I don't let too many minutes pass without kissing her. 

Daddy met mama 53 years ago this past Sunday night. His friend, Wilford, took him with him up to see his cousin and the rest is history. Their 50th wedding anniversary is April 16th so we celebrated. When Jason arrives we will celebrate again. 

Please pray for my daddy. He went home to shower and when he came back he said that it felt funny going into the house without her. 😢

Thank you for the messages, texts, calls and visits. 

Love,

Jenn

Miracles and blessings

We brought mama home to the Regional Hospice House today. We had so many precious friends and family show up and love on us tonight. I am still hoping for a miracle and praying for a miracle. I am really trying to see the blessings all around me. It is hard to see through all of the sadness and hopelessness....yet I will lift my eyes to Jesus and know that he will take care of me. Many have sent messages, texts, calls, etc....we love you.  I have so many emotions and honestly, I am mad. I am sorry but I am mad at the world. I have screamed and cried and even told Gordon a few minutes ago that I haven't even learned to cook yet because my mama cooks. If I do try to cook, I always have to call my mama. On the way home tonight, I picked up the phone to call her. I have spoken with my mama every single day of my life.  It's what we do. We talk on the phone and shop. She did all of the kids scrapbooks. Who is going to do them for the boys graduation?  Ugh!  I just need her to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Heck!  I need her to laugh with me about The Bachelor!  

This Regional Hospice House is beautiful and peaceful. The reason I chose this place is because of mama. When Jacob was in the 3rd grade, he didn't want to play travel basketball. We were playing for the Forest City Heat and she told him that was fine but he was going to do something productive. So, the two of them raised several thousand dollars in donations and new bedding for every room. The picture below is of her and Jacob when they presented it to the board and were interviewed by the Herald-Journal. 

Please continue to send those prayers up on our behalf. 

Love,

Jenn

She's going home!

I started this blog to keep track of this great odyssey that we were going on and be able to look back and see how far mama came after a new liver.

The doctors came in today and told us that there is nothing else that can be done. Mamas kidneys have shut down and she is too sick to get dialysis. With the kidneys failing, the liver transplant is not an option. So, the palliative care doctor is helping mama be comfortable and in no more pain. We are coming home to the hospice house and were told we only have days. We are broken hearted and crushed but also assured that we will see her again once she passes. Our God is still the great physician and I am still praying that he will take all of this away. We will praise him if he does and praise him if he decides to heal her in heaven. 

Please continue to pray for our family. 

Love,

Jenn

Calling all prayer warriors!

I am back in Charleston and mama is not good.  Her kidneys are shutting down.  The doctor came in and is going to bring in Pallative care.  Please flood the gates of heaven on behalf of our mama.  Pray her kidneys start working.  We will NOT give up!  Our precious Lord and Savior is a miracle worker and performs miracles every single day!  I beg him to show out and heal my mama.  She is still sleeping.  I kept trying to get her to wake up and she finally groaned and I asked her if I was getting on her nerves and she responded with what sounded like a mmmmmhmmmmm!  I will continue to get on her nerves.  I need her here!  WE WILL NOT GIVE UP!  I am begging her to fight.  We all need her here.  PRAY PLEASE! 

Just Be Held

HAPPY SPRING BREAK!  

Although this is not the spring break that I had planned for my family (the last one with the boys and Abbey), it is well.  It will be well.

I hoped to bring some amazing news today.  Mama is still sleeping.  They are possibly going to give her some blood today to see if she will wake up.  I am heading back down there today or tomorrow.  My back went haywire yesterday for some reason...most likely stress.  I am trying to get all of the clothes washed so that my boys will not have to do it while I am gone.

I am so lost.  I keep thinking that this is a dream and I will wake up.  Yet, I think of everything LIVER in my dreams.  I constantly wake up thinking about what we need to do to get mama to wake up.  My daddy hasn't left her at all.  Jason finally made him walk out of the hospital one morning to get breakfast.  He wasn't gone long.

Two people sent this song to me this week.  It is so appropriate.

"When you are on your knees and answers seem to far away,

You're not alone Stop holding on and JUST BE HELD..."

"Your world's not falling apart

it's falling into place..."

Right now it is hard to see past this brokenness inside of me.  I keep begging God to make her better.  I keep apologizing for anything that I have done to deserve this and blaming myself for everything.  I know in my heart that my God does not hurt his children like this but my head is saying something completely different.  I go from being totally sad and having to concentrate on breathing to being mad at the world! Then, something makes me laugh and the cycle starts over again because I let myself laugh for a moment and then I remember that my mama is laying asleep in a hospital bed 200 miles away.  Sad, Mad, Happy, Sad, Mad, Happy!  UGH!

"Come to me 

Find your rest

in the arms 

of the God

that won't let go..."

Please continue to pray for mama and for daddy.  He is putting on a brave face, but I know his heart is hurting.  Their 50th wedding anniversary is April 16th.

Also pray for the family of Barbara Pruitt -- this is Mitzi Thorne and Kristen Taylor's mama who went HOME on Wednesday.  Additionally, continue to pray for the unspoken prayer request.  Remember, to JUST BE HELD!

Love,
Jenn

The story behind this incident...

Many people have asked why mama was in Charleston and how she got there, etc....  As many of you know, she is very private.  Not many people knew that she had been diagnosed with non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver.  She has been sick since before Christmas and didn't even go to Christmas Eve service at church.  She just didn't feel well.  She was weak and had nausea and vomiting often.  (Bare with me because this is as much for me and my memory as it is for explanation.)   In December I told her that I was going to the doctor with her because her quality of life sucked and they needed to do something to help her or we would find a different doctor.  Of course, she said, "No you are not!"  So, she went to her appointment and this is when they told her that she was very, very sick and they were referring her to MUSC.  So, she had an appointment in February for an initial consultation with the liver team.  On Saturday before she went to MUSC on Monday, she and I went to Sam's and she was very confused.  She couldn't open her purse and did some other odd things.  On the way home, I asked her if she was confused and she looked at me very scared and confirmed that she was a little confused.  She went to the appointment and somewhere between there and her doctor's here, she was given medication to help this.

She was doing okay and getting ready to go back to MUSC on March 21st.  The week of March 6th, she had what she thought was the stomach bug.  It lasted all week.  She asked that we not come over because she didn't want to spread it.  Then, we had D-now all weekend and Monday morning on the way to work, I came down with it.  So, I didn't get to see her Monday through Wednesday because she said, "I don't want that again!"  On Monday, March 14th, she sent daddy over to pick up somethings that she asked me to buy for her at Costco and sent me a check.  The check was for more than the items and when I called to ask, she told me it included something that I bought weeks ago for her and had forgotten about.  So, she was doing better than me at this point!  On Thursday the 17th, daddy called and said she wanted some chicken salad.  I was going to take them some and he called back and told me that if I would come over, he would go get it.  (This was strange because he had continued to golf in the afternoons so, I was puzzled over why he couldn't leave until I got there.)  When I walked in she looked very frail and had lost even more weight.  She just didn't want anything to eat.  She asked me to print an email that came from MUSC.  I helped her walk back to her computer room (this was new too! she has never needed help walking except when she tore the tendon in her foot).  When we got back there, she couldn't remember how to turn her laptop on and I knew then that she was confused again. On Friday, I sent food and Gordon and I went to check on her Saturday morning.  She was very confused and drowsy.  She had just gotten up and was falling asleep sitting there while we were talking.  I even told her to go back to bed.  On Sunday, she was still not eating.  I created her a blog to keep family and close friends (the blog was only shared with 6-7 people initially) informed on what was happening and to keep a record of it for her to see later.  Of course, daddy was concerned that it would get out and she wouldn't like that!  Remember, she is private!!!  So, my Aunt Faye and cousin, Buffy went to see her Sunday and took her dinner.  She ate three green beans.  Now, my mama and Aunt Faye can cook!  They are GOOD cooks so, I knew she would eat her food.  She did not.  I called Jason and told him that he had to get her to eat.

They went to Jason's Monday because she had appointments at MUSC through the days of Tuesday through Friday.  I was heading down Thursday and Friday to meet with the transplant team Thursday morning and be there for a liver biopsy Friday afternoon.  After her meetings Tuesday, daddy said she was confused and when they got back to Jason's she didn't eat.  It was Jason's birthday and she finally said she wanted fried oysters!!!!  Yes, you read it correctly.  So, Jason went to get them and she ate good.  She also drank a boost.  During their dinner, I decided to google "confusion and liver disease" and we still had no idea that our nightmare was about to begin!

The next morning I was eating breakfast and got the sickest feeling in my stomach.  I told Gordon that I was sick and had a feeling that something bad was going to happen.  I thought it was something at work or a wreck on the way or something.  On the way to work, I called Kerise about something completely different.  While we were talking, she said, "Hold on Jason's calling."  While I was holding Abbey asked why I wasn't talking and I said, "Uncle Jason called in and I don't think its good."  Kerise came back and said, "Jennifer, Jason said for you not to panic but your mom is unresponsive and they are calling EMS."  This is when our nightmare truly began.  Well, my Annus Horribilis began back in September but that is a story for another time and will be told soon.


Mama is still very unresponsive and comatose.  She can be awakened for a moment or two and will try to communicate.  I had a meeting for work in Columbia yesterday and when it was over decided to drive to Charleston.  Since I was half-way there.  WHATEVER!  I almost died trying to get home last night.  I didn't know that they closed one lane of 26 from Charleston to Orangeburg for road construction.  I am so glad that I did go because we met with the transplant coordinator.  Pray that mama gets on the liver transplant list!  PRAY HARD!

Other prayer requests:  Sweet Mitzi Thorne and Kristen Taylor's mama went to be with Jesus yesterday.  Also, I found out this morning that a friend found out yesterday that her three year old -- YES 3 YEARS OLD -- cousin has a tumor on his brain.  And, continue to pray for the unspoken request.  People are hurting.  In the words of Bob Marley, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."  And my personal quote from my favorite bear:  "You are BRAVER than you believe, STRONGER than you seem, SMARTER than you think, and LOVED more than you know."  ~Winnie the Pooh

        Mama took this picture of Papa and Abbey.  It has always been one of her favorite pictures.

Love,
Jenn

CU ICU

So, mama was moved to a regular room last night. I came home. I had a panic attack this morning since I wasn't there. I want to be there. Spring break is next week so I will be there then. 

Mama has a feeding tube now. She doesn't like it and told me that she wants it out. She is still confused but is clear that she wants to go home. 

She is under the care of the liver team now. They told us today that she is going to need rehab to get her strength back so that she can handle the surgery. 

I have a newfound love for FaceTime. I have been able to facetime mama and daddy....and Jason. 😜 I am probably on his last nerve. It's okay. I've been on his last nerve for 43 years now!  By the way, if you are going to Charleston and want to go on a chartered fishing trip, give him a call. He is the Captain of Skinny Water Charters and I guarantee you will have a great time. Kerise is on spring break and made daddy and I the best lunch ever. Then, when I got home I got a piece of my sister-in-law, Michele's, chocolate cheesecake and was in heaven. I told Oma she needs to sell them!  Cheesecake Factory has NOTHING on her. I am not kidding either. I am serious about cheesecake and this was the real deal!  

 

I went back to work today and my students and coworkers were precious. I love Chesnee High School. It's a little bit of heaven off of highway 11!  

So, pray specifically for mamas strength and mental clarity to strengthen. Pray for her to continue to get better. We need her here!  

I also have an unspoken prayer request. Pray for strength and peace. 

Jacob holding his Mamie's hands while she slept. 

Love,

Jenn

It's time for me to go home!

When we woke up this morning it seemed that mama was still groggy and confused. She kept saying, "I want out of here."  Daddy and I assured her if she would take her medicine and eat then she could go home. Physical and Occupational Therapy came and started talking to her. They had her up sitting on the side of the bed and the girl asked her the year. No answer. She asked her if it was 1999 or 2016. Mama thought for a long time and finally replied, "It's time for me to go home!"  

After this she woke up and was clearer than we've seen her in a while. (Liver disease causes this and I hate it!) They put a tube down her nose in order to help with nutrition and medicines because she just isn't taking in anything. We couldn't get her to eat anything and she finally agreed to cheesecake. Then, the nurse offered Sherbert. She agreed yet continued to say she wanted to go home. When the Sherbert arrived she said I asked for something else. I asked if she meant the cheesecake and she said, "no, I asked to go home."  Then, my daddy started eating a little Easter candy and she looked over at him and wagged her finger at him. The boss is back!  

I combed her hair this morning and showed her in my phone. A minute later I asked her if she needed anything and she said, "I thought you were going to make me up."  So, she got make-up and lipstick in the ICU. 

She is still asking to go home. Pray she gets out of ICU and over to the liver transplant team. 

Thank you for the prayers, texts, calls, emails and anything else you have done. We feel it and appreciate it more than you will ever know. 

She's sleeping again. I turned on Young and the Restless so, hopefully Victor Newman will wake her up. Ha!  

Love,

Jenn

Get that out of my mouth!

So, mama has had an okay day. We are still in ICU!  It rained all day in Charleston on this Easter Sunday. Mama is still a good bit confused and groggy!  At times I didn't know if she was going to wake up. It is just frustrating!  I want her to get up and feel better. She moans and cries often which makes us all sad. I tried to test her today when my Uncle Mike said, "Bye sis" and left the room. I said, "mama who is that?" And she said, "Mike."  I said, "Mike who?" And she replied, "Faye's Mike!"  I bet in her mind she was thinking girl maybe you need to be in here and not me. 

We are struggling with getting her to eat. She ate a little cutie and 2 small bites of banana for breakfast. At lunch they brought her roast beef and chicken salad. I tried forever to get her to eat and she wasn't having any of it. She wasn't responding or waking up. When I finally got her to wake up, I put a bite of the roast to her mouth and she quickly and emphatically said, "Get that out of my mouth!"  Now, she has only spoken in a soft whisper and this came out clear and louder. The nurse turned around and died laughing. Then, I put some chicken for her and she said, "I am not eating that!"  I said, "well, someone is little Miss Sassy Britches tonight!"  Praise God for Sassy Britches. 

Tonight, daddy got her to eat some soup and when she was finished (she had refused mashed potatoes and other things) he asked her what else she wanted. She said she wanted ice cream. Our nurse tonight,Catherine, made it happen!  She ate almost every single bite. Yeah!  

I do not have any Easter pictures of my children and they didn't get Easter baskets this year....yet. What I do have is a mama that is very sick, yet still fighting strong. My daddy is being a rock and is standing in my mamas room right now watching tv. It's the first time the tv has been on in here since we arrived. (We are also trying to keep her awake.)  My sweet babies and Gordon have been such troopers. They have gone home now and that is such a sad feeling. As they drove off, I had such a sad heart. I hate it when people leave. When my mama would come see us at the beach when we stayed all summer a few times, I would cry and cry and she would cry going home. That's how I felt today. 

We are getting stronger and hope to be out of ICU tomorrow so that the transplant team can get back to work!  

Daddy feeding mama vanilla ice cream. 

Hope you and your family had a great Easter. Please keep the prayers coming. 

Love,

Jenn

Baby steps = Blessings

So, I heard mama's voice today. I even got her to say I love you!  When they kicked us out from 7-8, she squeezed my hand and cried, "please don't go, don't go."  My Aunt Faye was in there and helped explain that we would be outside the door and would come right back. It broke my heart and made me happy all at the same time. She is still so confused and cries often so, that let me know she knew a little bit about what's going on. 

I haven't left her side too much today. Even though she isn't saying too much, I still have to be with her. She is just so sick. This liver disease is horrible!  In order for her to continue on to getting a liver, she has to get out of ICU to even get back in the evaluation. Then, she has to pass the heart cath and other things. So, pray specifically for that to happen. 

Praise!  Because of Friday, Sunday's coming!  

Thank you for the prayers. Please keep them coming!  We can never repay but we can pray!  

Please add my Uncle Ray to your prayers. He has the same thing mama has and was admitted to ICU about 30 minutes ago. 😢

Hey! What a glorious word and the sweetest sound!

The vent is out!  She is still disoriented and crying some but it is out. She said "hey" and continues to just say that to us. I asked if she knew my name and she said Jennifer. So, we are Praising God for small victories. 

Just to see her sweet eyes this morning was wonderful. 

Her sister is on the way down so that should perk her up as well. 

My love has spent the night up here every night so that my daddy will not be alone. He and Jacob stayed last night. When the doctors came by this morning they found my mama's keeper pooped out!

I'll give you some sugar!

Daddy and I busted in here this morning at 8:01am. (They kick you out from 7-8 twice a day.) Gordon had texted us all night with updates that she was moving. Daddy and I assumed it was the same thrashing around that she did during the day yesterday. It was upsetting and we closed the blinds and kept all lights off to keep her settled. When daddy bent down to kiss her she opened her eyes wide. I grabbed her hand to hold it and she squeezed it. Then, Ethan walks in and says "Hey girl!" (Loudly!) and she opens her eyes and lifts her hand to grab his. Her hands are tied down somewhat because she kept grabbing the vent and trying to remove it.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

All week daddy has bent over mama and said, "open your eyes and I'll give you some sugar!"  I pray he gets to give her lots of sugar today. 

I thought her feet were cold and asked her if she wanted socks (I bought her new ones yesterday at wal-Mart) and she blinked her eyes. So, she is slowly coming around. I changed clothes this morning and put on a obnoxious pinkish orange top so that she would see happy colors if she woke up. Then, on the way here I knew it was going to be a great day!  As I was getting off of 26 onto 17, this truck came flying by:

  

Mama worked for Wise Foods as HR manager for years. My beloved Nannie Broome was named Elsie. Mama loves Nannie like her own mama and they were very close. So, there are blessings all around. I just forgot to look yesterday. 

Funny!  Mama is in MUSC Ashley River Tower, otherwise known as ART. Daddy was talking to someone and they asked if he had someone in ART. He said, "oh no, my wife is in ICU, she isn't doing Art!"  The man explained what ART meant. 😂 You just cannot make this stuff up!  When my mama hears this story, she is going to roll her eyes and say, "Tommy!"  

Pray that mama shows out with her heart. Not good, okay, well....GREAT!  I want that liver Doctor to come

running. I believe in miracles and know that God will do it. Mama is the daughter of the King and he will heal her. 

Thank you so much for the prayers, phone calls (even if I can't talk I still listen) and the texts. When I'm in with mama I do keep my phone off. 

Add Rodney, Rex and Rocky Mcgill to your prayers. Their mama isn't doing well and they just lost their daddy. Also, my dear friend and Sunday School teacher,Buzz Jones' second mama isn't doing well. 

Love, Jenn

I just want to scream!

Mama is still asleep. She did move her head today and literally squirmed all over the bed. Her hands are tied to keep her from taking the vent out. She didn't open her eyes much today. Her sweet nurse told her to sleep so that she could get better. 

I have just had a huge break down. I ran to Wal-Mart this morning because we didn't bring enough clothes. I found some cute tops on the clearance rack for $1. Abbey and I just came back to the hotel to take baths and I was showing them to her and picked my phone up to call mama and tell her about them. It was this moment that I completely lost it. It really hit me that I haven't talked to her since Tuesday. I talk to my mama every single day!  Sometimes multiple times a day. I used to talk to her before work before she got sick. I spend my Saturday's with my mama. We shop!  Even if we don't buy anything, we shop. It's what WE do!  My heart is so broken tonight. My sweet friend Allison called right in the middle of my hysteria and won the friend away because she soothed me.  I am sick of everyone saying "she is going to be okay!"  My mama is laying in a hospital bed on a ventilator with wires and tubes running everywhere, on a feeding tube and she is not okay! I want to tell her about my $1.00 shirts from Wal-Mart. 

My daddy and Ethan went home to get more clothes. I hope daddy will stay and sleep, but I doubt he will. He doesn't leave. He will barely leave to eat. He is having a good time making Abbey laugh. I cannot wait to tell mama the goofy things he has told Abbey. I can hear her now, "Tommy!"  

Because Friday happened....Sunday's coming!  Thank goodness we have such a sweet savior that died for us!  

Pray specifically that mama's heart continues to get strong. Pray that the ammonia leaves her body. Pray for my daddy because you know he is going to drive straight back. Pray for my aching heart that is missing my mamas voice. Pray for Abbey because she was here when I had my meltdown. 

I love this picture of me and mama. We were at the ballgame sitting in the rain. Abbey was with her friends and mama and I kept taking these and sending them to her. We also posted them on Instagram and tagged her. Fun times. 

Love,

Jenn

I always said she loved him best!

 Gordon of all people got mama to open her eyes last night. Now, when I say up she opened her eyes we barely saw pupils but they were beautiful pupils. Before I left at midnight she had turned her head and was kind of moving around. She hasn't moved anything in 48 hours so, this is a great thing. I just talked to the nurse and she moves when they go in there and mess with her but her eyes aren't focusing on anything and she isn't following commands. 😢😢😢

She has sepsis and the high ammonia levels. So, she is sick. Pray that she is just getting this crap out of her. I need to hear her voice.  FRIDAY IS COMING!  

Please pray for a family that was up here 32 days. He passed last night and we found out he was 39 years old. His name is Rocky Ward and he is from Georgetown. He has a wife and two sons. Lift them up. 

On a lighter note, my niece, Krista, is in medical school. She asked someone about ammonia levels and told them her step dad needed to know. The person asked why he drank ammonia. 😂 

Happy Good Friday.  

Too long...

Two entire days of not talking to my mama!  I cannot stand it. When I sit and think about it, panic sets in. Mama is still sleeping. I just want her to open her eyes and tell me to hush. I want her to roll her eyes at my stupid comments or shake her head at my insane ideas. I need her. I need her to open her eyes. Everyone knows that she is the rock in our family. She is the one that holds us all together when we fall apart. She is who I go to for advice. When the doctors come in and talk, I expect her to get up and lead the way. She is the smart one and the calm and cool one. 

So, this is not the post I wanted to write. There hasn't been much change. Mama is still sleeping. That just sounds so much better than in a coma. I sat in here this afternoon and watched this beautiful city that we all love so much and just prayed that God would make her better. 

The cardiologist was called in today to check her and we have to get her heart back in shape because with her condition, she would be at the top of the transplant list. They explained that she could not even go on it with anything going on with her heart. So, flood the gates of heaven on mama's behalf and ask specifically that her heart heal as good as new and she wake up and get the "stuff"' completed in order to get a liver. 

We feel your prayers and thank you for them. 

Love, 

Jenn

Heart to Heart

Daddy and I just spoke with the head doctor over MUSC ICU. His name is Dr. Strange and it was obvious how brilliant he is and how caring too. He told us that mama had a slight heart attack last night meaning normal heart levels of something (can't remember the word) are 0.00, mama's went to 0.21. He said anytime there is an increase it is technically called a heart attack. Praise God it wasn't more. He explained how all of the organs work and when you mess with one (like the vent pressing air into lungs) it causes other things to happen.  

He also told us that mama would be at the top of the transplant list IF all of this other wasn't happening. So, please pray specifically for mama's heart and kidneys. Pray that the EKG and other tests come back and show that mama can handle the transplant. It's so tricky!  Pray she gets better and her body can handle the heart attack.  She will also be having a CT scan of her head today to rule out bleeds. So, pray for that as well. We thought they did that yesterday but didn't. 

Positive:  this beautiful therapy dog named Chelsea visited today. I wish mama could have seen her. 

Love,

Jenn 

Update

Mama is still the same. She is on the vent and they put a central line in to give her medicine to keep her blood pressure up. Wow!  All of these years of taking medicine to keep it down and they have to give her something to keep it up. They tried to turn her on her side and she did not tolerate it at all. Her blood pressure dropped bad so.....central line. 

The transplant team has put a hold on mamas liver transplant work up until she comes through this episode. This is all caused from the liver not doing its job. Your body processes all of the toxins and impurities through the liver and mama's isn't working. Her ammonia level was at 289 yesterday and it should be between 18-29. 

Another funny for the day. When they come to work on mama they kick us out.  A girl came in and said she would be doing a renal ultrasound. Daddy looked at me puzzled and I whispered, "for her kidneys" and he still looked at me and said "no that's her butt."  After I stopped laughing, the girl came over to us on the bench in the room and said "hi I'm (can't remember her name), how are y'all today?"  I said "well, I am fine and my daddy is better knowing you aren't doing a rectal ultrasound with us in here!"  She and the nurse died laughing. Oh what mama is missing while she sleeps. Can you imagine being the technician for that? Ummmm....no thank you.  

Our precious pastor, Hank Williams and his wife, Mary Ann drove all the way down here just to check on mama and see us. What a blessing they are to us and to everyone at BSFBC. They came to our church 12 years ago when my boys were 5. We love our church!  Mama loves her church. She loves Hank and Mary Ann. 

Please pray specifically that mama's ammonia levels come down. Pray that she wakes up. I am going to be honest and tell you that my heart is broken. I am holding it together moment to moment. I think of our last words and pray she wakes up so I can hear her voice again. She will wake up because my God is the great physician. Pray for her team of wonderful doctors, nurses, ultrasound technicians and even the sweet lady that buzzes you in when we go to see mama. We haven't found her but her voice is so welcoming and calming.  Pray that her blood pressure stays up and that she is calm when she does wake up. She's claustrophobic and I am scared that she is going to panic when she wakes and finds she is on a ventilator. 

Your prayers, thoughts, messages and texts are appreciated. We feel them!  Thank you!  If you call and I don't answer, I am either talking to the doctors/nurses or my daddy and Jason. (By the way, mama was in the hospital 42 years ago yesterday also! Having me a brother 😍...well on the 22nd but they stayed for a week back then. 

Also, my Uncle Carl had some issues earlier this week so add him to your prayers also. My mamas brother, Ray, also has this horrible liver disease so add him and her sister, Faye, to your prayers because being in Spartanburg and not here is bothering her and Ray. 

Love,

Jenn

Friday is coming....

This is not what we expected when mama and daddy headed to MUSC Monday. She had tests yesterday and then was unresponsive this morning. Daddy and Jason called EMS and she is now in ICU on a vent. I am completely devastated. She didn't squeeze my hand when I talked to her. I just want her to get better. 

I am clinging to my precious Father and knowing he will heal her. He is the great physician and the only miracle worker that I know.

Daddy is doing well. Bless his heart, please pray for him also. Their 50th wedding anniversary is April 16th. On a funny note, the ICU has a concierge and daddy showed him my picture so he would know me when I arrived. Well, the picture he showed him was taken in 1989 and was the picture of me in Miss SC. Bless his heart. The man probably laughed when he saw me walk up. I should tell him I am twice the woman I was back then....literally. Haha. 

Please lift mama up and pray for complete healing. My God can do it. He is the same God that made the mountains and the sea and he is in the business of making miracles daily.   Remember....Friday's coming!  The tomb was empty. 

Jenn 

October 16, 2015

March 20, 2016

Mama will be undergoing testing this entire week. 

Pray specifically that she feels better, will get on the transplant list and that a liver will come sooner than later.  

Pray for the transplant team.

Pray for the donor and their family. 

For Donor Families
Ancient One,
God of healing,
Bless the family of organ donors,
Of righteous memory,
Who was taken from their midst.
In the time of their deepest heartbreak
They had the strength and courage,
Generosity and kindness,
To choose life by donating her / his organs
For the benefit of others.
Bring wholeness and healing to their family.
May their strength resound through the generations.
May their love never cease.
Let their gift serve as a call to others
To follow this righteous path.

Grant Your blessings upon
All who are touched by transplant,
Donors, recipients and families,
Doctors and nurses,
Clinicians and administrators,
The vast network of professionals and volunteers
Who dedicate themselves to healing.

God of compassion,
May this gift of life
Become a source of consolation and comfort,
Holiness and grace.

© 2012 Alden Solovy

Thank you so much for lifting us up in prayer while we take on this journey.  The Lord is good and we will continue to give him all of the praise. 

Love, Jenn

Mamie's journey to a new LI(ver)FE!

I have created this blog to keep everyone informed on my mama's journey to a new liver. Please keep her in your prayers as we take on this endeavor.